smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
