Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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