Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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