There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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