I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
