she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
