I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My liver just broke up with me...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
