dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
