Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
