i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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