It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
