meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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