Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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