Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...