is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.