Please, let me fuck your mom
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
