I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole