You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
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Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn