Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll