So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
