I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
