R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
