I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
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Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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