when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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