We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
