dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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