Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
