she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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