i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
