The best revenge is premature balding
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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