Im at strip club and am horny
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
