not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
