Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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