Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm at about main and main street
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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