Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
