Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
