i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I enjoy the company of your penis
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