yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
