i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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