She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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