i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
