Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
How's work?
Spinning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize