i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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