apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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