Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
