fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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