his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
