before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
