Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
