Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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