2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
