Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
