i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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