As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
