see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
