Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
