i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
