My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
