You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
