life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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