I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well I just put wine in my tea
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
