dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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