she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize