I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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