I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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