The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
