I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
