how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
