He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize