Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
