That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
