Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
