the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
