Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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